The other day as I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I read something that jolted me into the present moment.
Alexi Pappas, 2016 Olympian and one of my running idols, stated,
“Write down your goals so when you get them, you’ll remember you were brave enough to want them.”
I have always been a person who sets goals for myself, works hard to achieve them, and then moves on to the next challenge. However, I think my fear of failure stopped me from ever letting these goals be known to the world. I would keep these goals hidden within myself so that if I didn’t quite reach them, in my mind, at least the world wasn’t aware of my failure. It takes a certain amount of courage to express your goals to the world, especially when they are BIG, SCARY goals that seem so out of grasp sometimes that it leaves you feeling utterly terrified. Others question if you can do it, you question yourself, and there is that little part of your brain that is telling you that you’re crazy for even going for it. But what if? What if you do achieve it? What if all the doubters out there, including yourself at times, are wrong? You will look back at those moments of fear and realize how brave you were for going after something so challenging. You will be stronger. You will be more resilient. It will be beyond worth it.
So here I am, in the midst of training for this big, scary goal that I have made known to the world. I want so badly to be on the start line of the 2020 Olympic Marathon Trials on February 29th. I want it more than I think I have ever wanted anything in my life. I know that I will get to race day in December in the best shape I can possibly be in to achieve a sub-2:45. I am working harder than I ever have, and I truly believe that if you want something enough, if you believe you deserve it, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to go the distance to get to it, you WILL do it. But I could fail, and that thought leaves me feeling unable to breathe. But it is the reality of life. And if I do fail, at least I will know that I was brave enough to have written down my goal and shared it with all of you.