The Willingness to Suffer

In 3 days, I will be heading to Charlottesville to toe the line for the first time since the infamous California International Marathon in early December.  Although this is far from a goal race, the excitement and stomach butterflies are still creeping up on me, and for some reason the urge to keep checking the race course to see if it looks any less hilly the 30^thtime around keeps popping up. To be honest, the fact that the course is so challenging is actually a comfort to me because it removes some of the pressure I put on myself to hit certain splits and allows me to be more at peace simply running by effort. But let’s be real, I still have a certain time in mind that I feel I should be able to hit and thinking about past workouts and paces, it scares the sh$t out of me!  I just finished 5 weeks at between 80-85 miles per week (which is my peak mileage ever), and not surprisingly, my body is feeling far from sharp. There is a constant battle between my confidence and self-doubt as I try to hang on through the tough, grueling workouts and look at my watch only to find that I somehow can’t hit the prescribed paces. There is that familiar burn in my legs and ache in my lungs as I round the track that is a friendly reminder that there’s a reason why I’m a marathoner and not a miler :). Lately, even easy runs tend to be a struggle, but as I sit here and type this, I realize that this is actually a good thing!! This means that I am building up the miles of training and intensity in workouts that will get me to the start line ready to run significantly faster than I have been running in training!

There is something that happens on race day that is hard to describe and seems as close to magic as anything I’ve ever experienced. The pace comes so naturally that it is hard not to take a double-take when looking at your splits. You finally feel like your dreams are within reach. All those endless hours of effort you have put in are finally adding up to something. 

However, with all that being said, NOT ALL RACES FEEL LIKE THIS. This coming Saturday, I am definitely not expecting to feel this so-called ‘magic’. I am not coming in tapered and the hills don’t seem to be going anywhere (last time I checked the course they were unfortunately still there). 

I recently read the book, Endure, by Alex Hutchinson, and he defines endurance as the struggle to continue against a mounting desire to stop. This definition explains so simply what the challenge of racing is all about. When I am out there running for hours and everything hurts, but yet I keep fighting, that is what gives me my edge.  All those miles I have put in and workouts that have made me doubt if I could survive, have given me a mental toughness, or endurance, that allows me to push on, no matter the circumstances. Regardless of whether I am tapered or not, it is this reminder that gives me the confidence to know that I can endure whatever happens on race day.